Jealousy Toward the Successful: Rivalry Between Family, Partners, and Society Against Those Who Could Rise

By Ronen Kolton Yehuda (Messiah King RKY)

Introduction: The Fear of Potential

Jealousy is not random. It does not strike against the weak, nor waste itself on the unremarkable.

Jealousy focuses — almost surgically — on those who could succeed, or already have.

Throughout human history, jealousy has followed the trail of light — the musician with talent, the child with promise, the partner who shines too brightly, the citizen who stands taller than the crowd. The emotion itself is universal, but its direction reveals something profound about human nature: we are often threatened not by others’ failure, but by their possibility.

Philosophers from Aristotle to Nietzsche and psychoanalysts from Freud to Jung have traced envy and rivalry as central to the drama of human relationships. Aristotle, in his Rhetoric, defined jealousy (phthonos) as pain caused by the good fortune of others — a response not to injustice, but to perceived inequality. Centuries later, Helmut Schoeck (1969) argued that envy is the invisible glue of societies — a force that enforces conformity by punishing distinction.

In this sense, jealousy is both a private emotion and a public weapon. It shapes families, relationships, and even nations.

This article explores how jealousy operates across three dimensions — the family, romantic love, and society itself — focusing on how it is directed toward those with potential, talent, and light.

1. Family Rivalry: When Love Competes with Potential

1.1 The Hidden Competition Within the Family

Families are expected to guide, protect, and nurture. Yet love, when mixed with insecurity, can take a darker form: rivalry.

A sibling may envy another’s beauty or success; a parent or relative may resent a younger member’s intellect or independence. A family member who feels their own life unfulfilled may project that loss onto another’s achievements. The result is a subtle war — invisible to outsiders but deeply felt within the home.

Sigmund Freud described this phenomenon in On Narcissism (1914), explaining that people often experience their loved ones as extensions of their own ego — loving them not as individuals but as reflections of themselves. When another family member’s identity diverges or surpasses their own, admiration turns to threat.

The jealous relative may unconsciously:

Mock or belittle achievements to maintain authority.
Criticize ambition as arrogance.
Withdraw affection when independence appears.
Elevate another sibling as comparison or punishment.

This emotional manipulation masks itself as guidance — but its true function is to preserve the ego. Heinz Kohut (1971) later described this as a “narcissistic injury” — the individuality of another family member feels like a wound to one’s sense of importance.

1.2 Family Conflict and Emotional Weaponization

In divided or strained families, jealousy often transforms into emotional competition.

Each side vies for affection, attention, and loyalty — turning love into a form of currency. The gifted member becomes the mirror in which others wish to see themselves as the “better one.”

Family systems theorists like Murray Bowen (1978) called this triangulation: a dynamic in which two relatives draw a third person into their unresolved conflict.

The one caught between these jealous forces learns to hide parts of themselves to avoid rejection or punishment.

As Salvador Minuchin (1974) observed, this dynamic teaches that love is conditional — that to be accepted, one must not outshine the wounded member. This forms the foundation for a lifetime of self-suppression and guilt toward success.

1.3 Biblical Archetypes of Family Jealousy

Ancient stories reflect these dynamics with striking accuracy. In the Hebrew Bible, King Saul’s jealousy of the young David echoes the insecurity of an elder toward a gifted successor. Saul loved David’s service yet feared his potential, saying, “They have ascribed to David ten thousands, and to me but thousands” (1 Samuel 18:8).

This archetype mirrors countless modern homes: the aging family member fearing the new David — their own kin — rising beyond their shadow. Love and admiration coexist with dread.

2. Romantic Jealousy: When Love Fears Greatness

2.1 The Partner Who Competes Instead of Supports

Romantic love, ideally, should be a space of mutual growth. But when one partner’s confidence, beauty, or success outpaces the other’s, admiration often mutates into competition.

A supportive partner says, “You’re growing — and I’m proud.”

A jealous one thinks, “You’re growing — and I’m disappearing.”

Modern psychology defines jealousy in relationships as a blend of fear of loss and social comparison. Parrott and Smith (1993) demonstrated that jealousy intensifies when the other person’s success occurs in domains essential to one’s self-esteem — attractiveness, intelligence, or social influence.

Thus, jealousy within love often isn’t about infidelity or fear of abandonment. It’s about status.

A partner may unconsciously attempt to reassert control by:

Undermining decisions (“You’re not ready for that promotion”).
Withholding affection when the other succeeds.
Comparing the partner unfavorably to others.
Making jokes that disguise real resentment.

These tactics erode the confidence of the successful partner, transforming love into psychological dependency.

2.2 The Paradox of Power and Insecurity

Insecure partners often claim to admire strength — yet when faced with it, they feel threatened.

Carl Jung noted that what we admire in others often reflects what lies dormant in ourselves; jealousy arises when admiration collides with fear. The partner sees in the other what they could be, but aren’t.

This emotional conflict can lead to cycles of idealization and devaluation — a pattern familiar in narcissistic relationships. The jealous partner first elevates the other, then subtly destroys what they have elevated, to feel safe again.

2.3 Gender, Culture, and the Fear of Independence

Historically, patriarchal cultures have conditioned men to fear women’s independence and women to feel guilty for ambition. Even in modern society, successful women are often labeled as “intimidating” or “cold,” while successful men are celebrated as “strong” or “visionary.”

This double standard fuels relational jealousy: a woman’s rising power may unconsciously trigger ancient male insecurities. Conversely, a man who is emotionally expressive or creative may evoke resentment from a partner conditioned to expect dominance, not vulnerability.

The philosopher Simone de Beauvoir (1949) described this dynamic as “the male’s need to affirm superiority through limitation of the other.” In love, as in society, jealousy often serves as a defense mechanism against equality.

3. Society vs. the Individual: Collective Jealousy Against Potential

3.1 The Social Function of Envy

Jealousy is not confined to private life — it extends into the structure of civilization itself.

Sociologist Helmut Schoeck (1969) argued that envy operates as a social equalizer — an unspoken mechanism that punishes those who deviate from the average. While societies preach equality, they often enforce conformity, suppressing those whose talent or originality threatens the balance.

In the workplace, this may appear as gossip, exclusion, or institutional resistance. In the arts, it becomes criticism disguised as moral judgment. In politics, it manifests as populist resentment toward the educated or successful.

Nietzsche foresaw this in his critique of “herd morality”: society rewards mediocrity and punishes greatness to preserve comfort. As he wrote in Thus Spoke Zarathustra, “The higher we soar, the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly.”

3.2 The Fear of the Exceptional

History offers endless examples of collective jealousy destroying innovation.

Socrates was condemned not for wrongdoing but for thinking differently. Galileo was persecuted for seeing further. Visionaries in every age — prophets, scientists, artists — have suffered because their light exposed the darkness of complacency.

In modern times, this dynamic continues in subtler forms: innovators are ridiculed, creative minds ostracized, and truth-tellers “cancelled” for daring to disrupt narratives.

The pattern is ancient and cyclical: the crowd first worships potential, then crucifies it.

The same crowd that shouted “Hosanna” to Jesus cried “Crucify him” days later — a historical testament to the volatility of admiration when mixed with envy.

3.3 Collective Jealousy and the Politics of Mediocrity

Schoeck (1969) warned that entire political systems can be built upon envy.

Movements that promise equality through the destruction of success do not elevate the poor — they simply punish the exceptional. This is not justice; it is institutionalized resentment.

Modern social media amplifies this phenomenon: envy becomes viral. Every display of success — beauty, intelligence, wealth — triggers millions of quiet comparisons.

The “cancel culture” of the digital age is, at its core, a manifestation of collective jealousy disguised as moral policing.

4. The Psychological and Spiritual Cost of Jealousy

4.1 Internalized Envy and Self-Doubt

When jealousy comes from those we love — a family, a partner, or a community — it penetrates the psyche.

The victim begins to question their worth: “Maybe I am too proud… Maybe I don’t deserve this…”

This is how external jealousy becomes internalized shame.

Psychologically, envy acts like a mirror turned inward: the envied person begins to see themselves through the eyes of the jealous. They shrink to fit others’ comfort zones. Over time, this leads to imposter syndrome, self-sabotage, and chronic anxiety about visibility.

The French philosopher René Girard (1977), in The Scapegoat, argued that societies relieve their collective envy by sacrificing an individual — turning the exceptional person into a symbol of threat. On the personal level, this mechanism occurs emotionally: families and communities often scapegoat the successful member to restore emotional “balance.”

4.2 The Unlived Life and Projected Hate

Carl Jung observed that “the greatest tragedy of the family is the unlived life of its members.”

Jealousy is the expression of unlived potential turned outward. Instead of pursuing their own path, the jealous family member resents the one who did.

In this sense, jealousy is not about the envied — it is about the death of one’s own dreams.

It is easier to hate the mirror than face the reflection.

4.3 Spiritual Dimensions: From Cain to Today

The first recorded act of human violence in scripture — Cain’s murder of Abel — was born from jealousy.

Cain was not punished for wanting success; he was punished for resenting another’s. God’s warning still speaks across millennia: “Sin crouches at the door, and its desire is for you, but you must master it.” (Genesis 4:7)

This narrative reveals that jealousy is not only emotional but moral — a spiritual disease of comparison.

In modern secular form, it reappears as competitiveness without conscience, ambition without gratitude, and criticism without creation.

5. Liberation: Choosing to Shine Despite Envy

5.1 Understanding the Projection

Freedom begins with recognition: jealousy is not about you — it is about the other’s pain.

The moment one realizes this, external hostility loses its power.

To heal from envy’s effects, one must:

Recognize projection — others see their unfulfilled selves in you.
Refuse guilt — your success is not a sin.
Set emotional boundaries — distance from toxic admiration.
Forgive, but don’t internalize — compassion without self-erasure.

5.2 The Humility of True Greatness

Those who rise must also guard their own hearts. The opposite of envy is not arrogance but humility.

As Viktor Frankl (1946) wrote, true meaning is found not in superiority but in service — in using one’s gifts for the betterment of others.

Greatness does not provoke jealousy when it inspires, not intimidates.

To shine without blinding others — this is the balance of the mature soul.

5.3 Turning Jealousy into Growth

The only constructive use of jealousy is self-reflection.

When we envy others, it reveals what we desire to become. Instead of destroying the object of envy, one can use it as a compass — a map of one’s unlived life.

As psychologist Melanie Klein suggested, mature love integrates envy rather than denying it; it acknowledges others’ goodness without turning it into self-hatred.

When society learns this — when families, lovers, and communities learn to celebrate rather than compete — jealousy will no longer destroy potential but redirect it into admiration, aspiration, and growth.

Conclusion: The Light That Multiplies

Jealousy toward the successful is one of humanity’s oldest weaknesses — yet also one of its clearest mirrors.

It arises not from hatred but from fear — the fear of seeing in another what we could have been.

From Cain and Abel to modern politics and social media, the story repeats: admiration becomes envy; love becomes rivalry; potential becomes a threat.

But it need not end that way.

When families stop competing within themselves, when partners rejoice in each other’s growth, and when societies honor the exceptional instead of crucifying it, humanity will enter a new stage of evolution — one where success inspires rather than intimidates.

The light of one person does not dim others. It reveals the path.

For when one rises — truly rises — the light does not take from the world.

It multiplies.

References

Aristotle. (350 BCE). Rhetoric. Trans. W. Rhys Roberts. Oxford: Clarendon Press.

Beauvoir, S. de. (1949). The Second Sex. Paris: Gallimard.

Bowen, M. (1978). Family Therapy in Clinical Practice. New York: Jason Aronson.

Frankl, V. (1946). Man’s Search for Meaning. Vienna: Beacon Press.

Freud, S. (1914). On Narcissism: An Introduction. Standard Edition, Vol. XIV. London: Hogarth Press.

Girard, R. (1977). The Scapegoat. Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press.

Jung, C. G. (1934). The Development of Personality. Collected Works, Vol. 17. Princeton University Press.

Klein, M. (1957). Envy and Gratitude. London: Tavistock Publications.

Kohut, H. (1971). The Analysis of the Self. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.

Minuchin, S. (1974). Families and Family Therapy. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

Nietzsche, F. (1886). Beyond Good and Evil. Trans. W. Kaufmann. New York: Vintage Books.

Parrott, W. G., & Smith, R. H. (1993). “Distinguishing the Experiences of Envy and Jealousy.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 64 (6), 906–920.

Schoeck, H. (1969). Envy: A Theory of Social Behavior. New York: Harcourt, Brace & World.

Ronen Kolton Yehuda 👑💜🦁 MKR: Messiah King RKY